to my teacher

It has been like more than a year or two now, but the unpleasant reminiscence of what had taken place (The enormous stupidity of my actions all for my pathetic, futile, romantic pursuits for someone.) still haunts me every time that person crosses my thoughts, like it was only yesterday or an hour ago. Before, I had been prodded to brave myself with the things I never had the nerve to do if only to fish sense in all the ambiguity swamping me for years; now I feel like the worst person through all this, that had I only remained along the shore, I wouldn't have lost that pinch of friendship I had with that person-- the only person who had made me embrace each day with so much eagerness and want to get better in everything I did or do, but then again they say the shore is only for people you don't love enough.
You know, life has been quite heavy after all this. It seems like I am always hovered with a sense of loss, that however I try to blend myself with the mirth and pleasantries around me, I still find myself empty. Maybe because deep inside I know that I wreaked a lot of unpleasant things to someone; the obtrusion, the presumptions, the disrespect and everything else that fanned that burning loath, which till now I still plead sorry. It had never been in me to do those things I initiated, to bombard someone with things I believe is possible or real, but for the first time I did. Perhaps it was because I was blinded by the intensity I couldn't contain inside that indeed had me the propensity to break my façade and unearth the substance inside, something I will forever regret not because I loved a person so much, but because I made that person hate me only because, "What you call sin, I call the great spirit of love, which takes a thousand forms."
Time may pass, words may turn into a redundant weave of pleas and the pulp of all this may wither into oblivion, but the desires of my heart will always remain the same─that one day I will see your smile for me again, that one day your forgiveness for me will find its way to your heart; and that one day MY TEACHER, we can be friends again as if you never knew I loved you more than that.